It seems I am finally coming out of a slump that has been holding me captive for a few weeks.
After the initial excitement of arriving here, having "our own" place and the gratitude of the opportunity which we have been given, I fell into a dark place, rather my state of mind changed into a place of melancholy and lack. I suppose after everything that we have been through these past couple of years, it is no surprise that the moment would come, where I seemed unable to look on the bright side of life.
I felt so melancholic for what we had left behind, our beautiful 4 acres in the woods near Asheville, the wonderful homeschooling community which we had become part of, the abundance of wild medicinal herbs that I was learning so much about and loving so dearly, the availability of fresh, local, natural and organic produce and products, raw fresh milk. Yes, well you get the picture. Missing it all so much!!
At the same time I was feeling a longing to live in Denmark as we had originally planned, but were not able to accomplish, due to lack of finances. My sister and her daughter just moved back to Denmark after being away for 30 years. My father being ill and my parents generally getting older. That as well as the social system there, feels so appealing to me right now, and for the children to also live part of their childhood in the "old world".
Anyways, pining away at all these things clearly did not serve me any, the sense of lack that I was feeling did not exactly help me to be present and make the best of what is right in front of me, a wonderful opportunity.
One morning around the beginning of this past week I woke up and felt different, and over the next few days I became aware of all the little things around me worth joy and gratitude. The little gifts that I find each night as I get the bed ready for bedtime, a picture tucked under my pillow from Kaleena, the joy and excitement of Keenan's face as he helps Papa fix the bike, the focus and attention that Kaleena puts forth on her own when she sits down to draw and also write as she loves these days.
The cool freshness of the afternoon swim in the pool, the balmy yet comfortable evenings where I get on the bike and ride around town getting familiar with our surroundings. Our family walks, and the evening talks and sharing with Miguel after so much time apart. Then there is the Land which will soon become a beautiful sanctuary, we will have a green house and a large garden to grow food and herbs..
And while I have yet to find a source for glass jars I did find Rye and whole wheat flour, my sourdough starter is bubbling away and almost ready for the first loaf.
Yes I miss all my kitchen things, loaf pans, glass bowls and jars for baking, all tucked away in a storage in Miami, yet when I stop to look around I realize that I always have what I need at any given moment. There is always something to smile about, something to be grateful for.
I also once again realize that while the world I see today looks different from the one I saw the past few weeks, nothing exterior has changed, only my state of mind, only the way I choose to see this reality. Again reminding me that my thoughts create. And while my emotions and state of mind will fluctuate, hopefully I will remember that these too shall pass.
I feel compelled to share a few of the drawings that I have been finding under my pillow.
Keenan helping Papa, and working the tools on his own, very proudly
And here the coconuts guarding the front porch, one was a gift the other Kaleena made